dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
