on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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