The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize