i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
