the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
