just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
