i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
