we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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