Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
