you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
