I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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