im drinking this country out of the recession.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
