So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
