When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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