I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize