we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
