I need help removing her.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
