too bad you live with your parents still
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
