planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
