Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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