P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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