she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
