So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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