just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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