I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
