i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
the liver wants what the liver wants
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
