I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize