TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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