so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
