All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
