the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
