im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
