I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
