HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
