you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
