I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
