Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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