FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
