my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
