Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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