True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
