Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize