Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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