You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
