no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
