Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
