i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
