well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
