We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
