my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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