We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
