# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
