Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
