I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
