I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
