I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
