Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Randomize
