I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
