Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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