woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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