if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
