how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
