I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
