i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
