Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
