at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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